Think you have no conflicts. Think again. Perhaps your idea of a conflict is an upsetting situation in which you engaged in yelling, screaming, calling each other names, throwing things. This is definitely a conflict, but other events count as well.
Perhaps you are avoiding running into someone. Why? Is that because you differ with the person on some important matter? Have had bad encounters with the other? You can't stand something about the other person but haven't told them what it is?
Perhaps you don't think you have any conflicts because you simply give in. Of course you would rather go somewhere else, see a different movie, engage in another activity, but you don't voice your alternatives. You just go with the flow, but wish otherwise, and don't want to make waves.
There are many definitions of conflict but generally they include the idea that there is a disagreement between people. Usually they either disagree on goals (what to do) or the means to those goals (how to go about it). They may vary in degree ranging from simple differences of opinion to more serious shouting matches and even interpersonal violence. They may also vary in the degree to which they affect the relationship from an "agree to disagree" to ending a conversation by slamming a door or even breaking up a romantic relationship or quitting a job. Not speaking to someone or avoiding another person also counts as conflict.
The conflicts of interest to us are significant ones we have with people who matter, such as our friends, neighbors, romantic partners, and people we work with. When a conflict reaches a point where it threatens our relationship, we have a serious problem on our hands. We know that a big enough conflict can destroy a relationship. Some conflicts that started out small become large because we ignored them or didn't deal with effectively to begin with.
So, do you see that you are involved in conflicts most days? While we encounter disagreements practically everyday, how we manage them is key. Effective conflict management occurs when we come to an agreement that is desirable for all the parties concerned.
(picture by Mermaid5678)
I live with my parents while going to college. We often disagree on territory in the house a lot. I tend to leave my belongings, beer bottles, and other things in my mother's way. On the other end of the argument; I often find her stuff in my way. For example I had to relocate some of her papers to use the computer to type this comment. I agree that these little conflicts will always happen no matter what. This is just the nature of living with other people, and for the most part I think that both parties respect that; more so now that I’m older than say 8 years ago when I was still in high school.
ReplyDeleteHere's my 2 cents in the form of a question: Why are people so territorial over their computer space, beer bottle space, front yard space (property), and anything else they own or perceive to own?
ReplyDeleteWe share territoriality with animals. I also find it hard to imagine a country without borders (customs, inspections, etc.), not having my own car, sailboat, house, yard, office, family, and so on. I think ownership and territorial defense are facts of life that aren't going to change any time soon. So, to me, the issue is not whether we should defend what we own and claim what is ours, but that we learn ways to engage in conflict and resolve issues associated with territorial boundaries in positive and constructive ways that do not have adverse affects on our relationships with others.
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